Chapter 16
The next day the sun was shining from a clear blue sky clearly enjoying the irony of the situation. The temperature was mild, a teaser for the soft embrace of spring that was still many months away. For the people the mill winter had arrived, cold and bitter.
Jenny had started her day downstairs in the basement trying to sort through her paperwork, but the soothing quiet of the place felt cloying. Instead of relaxing her she felt in turn like an invader that was very politely being shown the way to the door or being slowly consumed by a feeling of peace that she was not disposed to give into. She was all shades of angry, icy shades of resentment, fury, exasperation. She knew that in the end she had to be reasonable, bring it all together again, shoulder the responsibility, blah, blah blah. In that moment she could see her again sitting in judgement in front of her smirking at her failure. She got up, grabbed her papers and left the fucking basement and its fucking, condescending feeling of harmony. This feelings had to run their course.
Upstairs she first met Adrian, they just nodded at each other. Their alliance provided them with no comfort they< had not to convince each other but make allies, without resorting to screaming or snide remarks. That latter part proved the most tricky. In the main room Byron was keeping his head down working on brunch. Edmund was pacing around the main room, judging from his face he was tasting grapefruit in his mind. He stopped in his track when he noticed Jenny his face in the middle of experiencing one that was especially bitter.
'You wanna talk?' his demeanour asked.
'Not really..." answered Jenny's slitted eyes.
'I'm on your side, all right?' he gestured with slow measured movements. 'You sure you don't want company?' he indicated with a subtle nod.
She rolled her eyes. 'Whatever. Just don't be annoying.'
They went outside where Thomas was pushing a drill into the ground with furious concentration. Judging from the sound the drill was working through hard stone, little plumes of steam drifting from the borehole, their dreams of becoming clouds dying as the slowly dissipated into the endless sky above. He was very busy concentrating on his readouts very pointedly not looking anywhere else. Bettina was nowhere to be seen. Jenny considered walking over the little stone bridge to the other side of the river to put some distance between herself and the stupid building but decided against it. The building was perfectly OK, it was more of a people problem. An acid laced glance hit Edmund who took a step back who worked hard on his patience.
'Still on your side.' he grimaced.
Jenny's shoulder sank in apology. The walked back inside. Somehow coming back inside made everything worse. She could hear Byron working where the kitchen was slowly growing out of the floor and walls. Linda could be heard working on metal in the milling room and upstairs someone else was hammering something into a wall. Everything inside Jenny balled up, for a moment her fight or flight instinct could not decide whether to run away screaming or to just go and murder everyone in sight. Edmund's hand gently descended on her shoulder, startling her. The hand waited for a moment and seeing that no one was trying to rip it off it gently squeezed Jenny's shoulder. Jenny inhaled air smelling of food, plaster and welding. She kept inhaling until the air inside was pushing against all the stress she was feeling. She exhaled slowly getting rid of a good portion of the tension. She nodded to Edmund without looking at him. She knew where she had to go. Upstairs. Into the room with the big chair.
The room was just a cleaner version of what it had been before. The floor clear, the walls cleared of cob webs, with a provisional metal column holding up the ceiling. But the chair was still there. Still old, still facing the window. Still surprisingly comfortable. As she sat down she knew that she had found the right place to be. It was comfortable, it was comforting but it was open, it had enough space for her bad mood, her anger and all her little vicious impulses that felt so out of place in the tranquillity of the basement. She ignored Edmund who had sat down in front of her leaning against the wall lost in his own thoughts, instead she looked out of the window. Into the sky, the forest on the other side of the river, the trees swaying lightly in the wind. Right now, she knew she was being an asshole. Right here she was in a place where that was OK. The chair gave her support and the window ample room to project her anger and her petty impulses. And just like that her frosty anger started to evaporate in the light. Safe as she was she could not start to fill out the cracks her rage had left behind.
"So." she finally said her voice sounding a bit coarse, she had screamed a lot in her mind. "Where do we draw the line?"
Edmund moved his eyes to look at her. He did not answer for a while, some minute twitches in his face showing that he was working hard on finding the right answer. "I... I don't know what to tell you..."
Jenny didn't say anything just looking out the window again waiting for her friend to find the way to his answer.
"I'd say we draw the line where it counts. And that's quality. That's following your dream." he hesitated for a moment. "But then that's easy for me to say. It's your money, not mine. Encouraging you to waste it...", now he turned completely towards her. "That's another thing. I know how much this place means to you and I can't tell you how happy I am to be part of this. I haven't seen you this alive in years. Right now you are at peak Jenny. And I'm loving every minute of it. But I am starting to wonder at what price this comes and who is going to pay for it in the end. I'm beginning to wonder if I'm really on your side or if I'm rather on my own side enjoying the ride. Not so easy..." Edmund let his head sink.
"You didn't answer my question." Jenny said still looking out of the window.
"Well it's complicated."
Jenny turned from the window to face Edmund. "The situation is complicated."
Edmund looked up.
"The question is easy." said Jenny. "Where do we draw then line?"
Edmund gestured towards the papers. "Have you gone through the numbers?"
"That's still not an answer to my question."
Edmund squirmed under Jenny's gaze. "You can't just disregard the reality of your situation."
"If all thing fail, can I crash on your couch?"
"Of course... but I fail to see how..."
"OK." Jenny said. "Now that we have proven that you are actually concerned about me and won't leave living under a bridge or even worse back at my parents, I want you to think about my actual question. Think about what would be the right thing to do and answer it." she stood up stepping in front of Edmund. "Where do we draw the line?"
Edmund looked up at Jenny. "Under these circumstances I'd say... we do it right. Everything else and we are putting a lot of work and money into something that's flawed from the very beginning."
"And if something goes wrong?" Jenny asked raising one eyebrow.
"Then will fix it." Edmund shrugged.
Jenny smiled. "That's the spirit." she extended her hand helping Edmund up. "Now it's time to put our group back together."
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